by guest blogger Randi Gunther, Ph.D., author of Relationship Saboteurs.

Many people begin relationships with hope and optimism, only to have each of them end without apparent reason. They painstakingly go over every detail, but can't seem to find the clues that explain why or how that happens.

"When I fall in love, I give everything I've got to make a relationship work. Even if my partner doesn't reciprocate perfectly right away, it doesn't matter. I keep thinking that if I do it right, I'll get what I want eventually. I know I sometimes get resentful when I'm doing most of the giving, but I still keep looking for ways to make my partner happy. And they sure seem to enjoy it when we first get together. I don't know why they leave when they're getting such a great deal."

excerpt from The Eating Wisely for Hormonal Balance Journal

Alternatives to Supermarkets

You needn’t always shop at supermarkets, where a diverse selection of produce, spices, and herbs can be hard to come by. Here are some other places to get your favorite new foods.

Community supported farms: Why not have organic fruits and vegetables delivered to your home or office? Ask at your local farmer’s market or health food co-op, look in the phone book, or check online at www.csacenter.org for local farms that will deliver. These farms often send recipes along with their produce. Some even let you choose the specific fruits and vegetables that you want, and may even let you order nonproduce items like soy milk, organic chocolate and coffee, fruit juices, tea, pasta, bread, and sometimes even meat and fish. Many of these farms welcome visitors, which can make for a great day trip.

Farmer’s markets: These have become weekly events in many parts of the country, and they’re a great source of locally grown produce, as well as breads, honey, flowers, and other items. By buying at a local farmer’s market, you support local growers and you know that your food hasn’t traveled across the country to get to you.

Multicultural markets: If your community has neighborhoods where people from different cultures live, visit their markets. It can be like traveling to another country, without the expense of the plane fare. You can often find food items in these markets that you can’t find at your local markets. Experiment by buying one or two unfamiliar items and challenge yourself to find ways to use them. Or ask a local shopper how to use the item, and become part of a mini multicultural exchange program.

excerpt from Eating Mindfully

skill builder: create new eating habits

1. Make two lists, one of the foods you eat “mindfully,” and the other of the foods you eat “mindlessly.” Foods eaten “mindlessly” are those you avoid, restrict, define as “bad,” those that produce strong emotions of guilt, and/or induce over- or out-of-control eating. Mindful foods may produce emotions, but they are mostly positive or neutral emotions. Mindful foods are eaten willingly, without reservation or fear. If youdon’t divide foods into these categories consciously, you may have an internal sense of your emotionalreactions (carefree eating versus eating that results in guilt, stress, or fear). Getting in touch with the wayyou react to each of these categories of foods is important. The first step to changing any behavior is to become more aware of it. Bring these categories into your conscious, deliberate thoughts.
2. Next, think about how to take food out of the two categories. Remove the “bad” label from a cookie by giving it a purpose. Is your intention to have a snack? If so, eat the cookie in mindful bites, or use it to satisfy a raving for sweets. Or, give yourself a prescription for a once-a-day dose of a cookie. Start with the foods you eat mindlessly. As you begin to be more comfortable, start to experiment by sampling foods you’ve completely cut out of your diet, or foods that you are intensely afraid of or are reluctant to eat. Conquer your fears.
3. Break out of your standard routine. Whether you go to the grocery store and buy the same items week after week, or zoom down the aisles looking for the Specials, do something different. Examine and buy an exotic fruit like a mango, papaya, or an Asian pear. Or, try a loaf of gourmet whole wheat bread. Add a touch of spice and variety to your meals. Walk through the store mindfully examining each item. Be aware of products you’ve never noticed before. Touch and turn over packages, smell the fruits, examine everything, and buy a new food.

by guest blogger Laura J. Knoff, NC, author of The Whole-Food Guide to Overcoming Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Many people are discovering that they are sensitive to wheat, dairy and sugar. Is this a new phenomenon or just a key to the mystery of mood disorders in some people? In 1980, Dr William Philpott outlined the connection of food allergies and food addictions to many psychological conditions from autism to schizophrenia in his book Brain Allergies. The connection of food to mood is often not investigated, but just as the psyche can affect the body, the body has an affect on the psyche. In Psychology Today, October 30, 2009, depression is just one symptom of celiac disease, (an autoimmune disorder of the small intestine that is triggered by eating gluten containing foods). Celiac is not diagnosed nearly as often as it occurs and is frequently misdiagnosed as IBS or as many other conditions. Anyone with a family history of diabetes, heart disease, allergies, ADHD, autism, digestive conditions or celiac disease may find that by completely avoiding foods containing gluten, casein, and sugar they feel much better.

excerpt from Messages

There are eight major hidden agendas. As you read about them in the descriptions that follow, notice which ones may apply to you.

“I’m Good”

You are the hero of all your stories. Each anecdote highlights the attributes you value most. If you want people to know about your wealth or power, your stories tell them. If you want the word out about your strength or generosity, your stories do that for you. A frequently encoun¬tered “I’m good” agenda is the caring and sensitive person. This role is played as if you were on the stage—you create an undeniably fine character, but not your authentic self. You have to prove your caring constantly by a gesture, a recollection, a sensitive remark.

Here are some typical “I’m good” messages:

• “I’m honest.” “I’m successful.”
• “I’m hardworking.” “I’m powerful.”
• “I’m courageous.” “I’m strong.”
• I’m loyal.” “I’m wealthy.”
• “I’m generous.” “I’m self-sacrificing.”
• “I’m ambitious.” “I’m adventurous.”

Everyone is a little phony, but the “I’m good” agenda is more than that. It’s a life’s work. It’s a way of distorting yourself so that only very selected parts get seen. It means you don’t trust anyone with the parts of yourself that are less than wonderful.

There are two big disadvantages to the “I’m good” agenda. It’s hard to get close to people because they only know you through your “I’m good” stories. And people get bored. They get tired of seeing the same mask, hearing the same theme over and over. They listen for a while, then go away.

by guest blogger Lisa Frankfort, LMFT, co-author of How to Stop Backing Down and Start Talking Back

“You know what I mean?” How often is this said in ordinary conversation? Sometimes to check in with the listener before continuing on, but sometimes it’s framed as a statement that indicates assumed understanding.

Do we, as therapists understand what our clients mean by certain words, terms or cultural jargon? Do we ask for clarification or admit a lack of understanding? Often, we don’t. Why is this? We want to be seen as empathic, as wise, as “getting” our clients’ world. We want to foster a feeling of closeness and connection. Even if they have been misunderstood by the world, we can offer something else. “You know what I mean?” “Yeah.”

excerpt from Messages

Not every relationship or situation requires whole messages. Effective communication with your garage mechanic probably won’t involve a lot of deep feeling or discussion of your emotional needs. Even with intimates, the majority of messages are just informational. But partial messages, with something important left out or obscured, are always dangerous. They become relational booby traps when used to express the complex issues that are an inevitable part of closeness.

You can test whether you are giving whole or partial messages by asking yourself the following questions:

Suzanne Phillips, Ph.D., co-author of Healing Together, wrote a piece on her Psych Central "Healing Together for Couples" blog that has really gained speed:

Can Pets Improve Your Relationship?

Tara Parker-Poker, blogger for The New York Times, wrote about it. Jezebel.com referred to the NYT.com piece.

Dr. Phillips was featured on "Good Day New York" to discuss the issue: