As the American Thanksgiving holiday season approaches, and Christmas, Eid and Hanukkah are quick to follow, for many daughters-in-law this is joined by the pending arrival of the mother-in-law. Whether you find yourself in your mother-in-law's home or find her in yours, it is a time to step back and remember a few things:

1. Holidays are a set period of time.
   You will have your life back soon enough. Whether you adore your mother-in-law (MIL) or your relationship is, well, complicated: having guests, or being guests, takes adjusting. When the guest situation involves your family, it is all the more intense because there is so much more going on besides making extra room. Besides bed space, you will need extra room for emotions and tolerance and understanding. But all good things come to an end, so hang in there and try to take deep breaths.
   
   
2. Make it clear before the holidays.
   Be sure that you and your spouse are CLEAR on how things will go. As always, and we can't stress this enough, you are a united front and should have a united plan. If there is antagonism or aggression on the part of your MIL, you husband needs to support you. There is no 'caught between two women he loves' thing. You are his wife and you need support. That said, unfairness on your part is not cool, either. Be reasonable, but life will be much sweeter if you and your man are together on the plan for the holidays.
3. Who wants to be a mother-in-law?
   One day, you may, too. Is it a job description that sounds good to you? Yuck! Try to understand and care and love. Try to be sensitive and be aware that you have taken the place of your MIL as #1 woman in your spouse's life. That can be rough. You both love your husband, but he chose you. (And he had better show this!)
   
   
4. Let it go.
   It is true that knowing something is going to hurt does not stop it from hurting, and anticipating that something will be bad might not allow it to be OK. If your mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship is not pathological and carries the kind of issues that are par for the course, it might be wise to try to be zen about it. Keeping other things in mind, go into the holidays with good cheer, a positive attitude, and a strong bond with your spouse. Remember that it is just as hard to be a MIL as a DIL and that everyone would be better off to just try and enjoy the holiday!

Eden Unger Bowditch is the author of The Daughter-in-Law’s Survival Guide.