Self-Intimacy is the moment-to-moment awareness of one’s feelings, thoughts, and needs as well as the willingness to acknowledge and own these to both oneself and with one’s partner.

Why Self-Intimacy Is So Important

• The Decision to be unfaithful is born here.
• SI represents the best way to take care of yourself, especially with regard to expressing negative feelings.
• SI is directly connected to your instincts.

As you look at your capacity to be self-intimate, consider how good you are at taking care of yourself by expressing your negative and positive feelings and being aware of your instincts and intuitions. There is room for improvement for any of us. Use the Emotional Self-Awareness (ESA) exercise to increase your ability to be self-intimate and take care of yourself.

Emotional Self-Awareness Exercise

Ask yourself at least three times a day the following three questions:

1. What emotion(s) am I feeling right now?
2. What situation or perception of mine is causing me to feel this emotion(s)?
3. What, if anything, can I do about this causal situation to take good care of myself?

Keys to ESA: Practice makes for "perfect" Self-Intimacy

• Practice daily: five minutes, two to three times a day, for ninety days.
• Make your emotional world a priority.

Excerpt from Intimacy After Infidelity: How to Rebuild and Affair-Proof Your Marriage by Steven D. Solomon Ph.D., and Lorie J. Teagno Ph.D.