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Monday, May 25, 2009

Counting Experiential Calories

by guest blogger Pavel Somov, Ph.D. Put aside this annoying business of counting nutritional calories for a moment and ask yourself: what else am I getting out of this eating moment? How is my Mind being enriched? A Nutritional Calorie is a unit of energy. The job of a Nutritional Calorie is to fuel your Body. An Experiential Calorie -- to coin a term -- is a unit of awareness, a unit of conscious presence, a unit of meaning. The job of an Experiential Calorie is to enrich your Mind. Take a moment to count the latter... Ask yourself: What are the Meditational Calories of this moment? Indeed, as you eat, pause to consider the interdependence of people, places and events that converged into one seamless process in time to finally reach your lips. Of course, the Sun didn't shine for you and the grapes didn't grow for you and the farmer didn't collect the grapes for you and the canner didn't can the grape jelly for you in particular... And yet, somehow, as you are sprea...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Monday, May 25, 2009

Friday, May 22, 2009

Thyroid: Small Gland, Big Deal

Your thyroid is a miraculous gland. Located at the base of the front of your neck, it produces the hormones that are responsible not just for a sharp mind, but also for the svelte figure and cheerful outlook of our youth. Do you look around and see yourself or friends, family, and strangers your age getting bigger, balder, and more irritable? As we age, many people, especially women, develop low thyroid function, which is reflected in weight gain, hair loss, constipation, dry skin, high cholesterol, fatigue, allergies, breathing problems, impaired vision and hearing, sleeping disorders, dizziness, numbness, loss of libido, aches and pains, more frequent infections, and increasing incidence of mental and emotional problems such as depression, rage, anxiety, irritability, and even schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (De Groot, Hennemann, and Larsen 1984). Let’s face it, any of these symptoms would be enough to make us depressed and irritable. Sadly, even though no other hormone affects su...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Friday, May 22, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Art of Lowering Your Standards

Costs and Benefits of Lowering Your Standards If perfectionism is a problem for you, chances are that the high standards you hold for yourself or others are long-standing and deeply ingrained. The thought of giving up these standards may be very frightening for a number of reasons. First, although you may be aware of your tendency to be perfectionistic, it may be difficult for you to determine which beliefs are overly perfectionistic and which standards are appropriate. If overcoming perfectionism involves lowering certain standards, you may be fearful of lowering the “wrong” standards. Second, you may be reluctant to relax your standards if you believe that your performance will suffer. For example, if you believe that it is very important to be on time for appointments and therefore you always allow an extra hour to get anywhere, you may be fearful of giving up this practice in case you end up being late for appointments in the future. If you tend to be very detailed in everyth...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pleasure Healing: What and Why?

by guest blogger Mary Beth Janssen Henry Miller said “the aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware—joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” Amen. Pleasure Healing is a dynamic 21st century approach to waking up to your full human potential, to higher levels of consciousness, and the resultant well-being. Many of us are simply living on the surface. Pleasure healing encourages you to plunge into the depths of who you are—your essence. Pleasure healing activities nurture you and give you a respite from the stressors in your life. They get you to pay attention. You come inside to the core of your being and commune with your higher self. When you pay exquisite attention, your energy shifts and you become the best that you can be—and you have fun while you’re at it! The capacity for delight is awakened and enlivened. Pleasure healing is when we engage in mindful practices, therapies and treatments drawn from the spa world for purposes of nurturing ourselves a...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Getting Unstuck: Negotiating Relationships with Borderline Personalities

by guest blogger Randi Kreger Karen’s husband of 25 years, Cole, has borderline personality disorder. He’s incredibly jealous and verbally abusive, so she wants to separate. But she knows he’ll suffer without her—he’s already made veiled threats that if she leaves him he’ll kill himself. Donald has a borderline client, Haley, who calls outside of office hours several days each week. He knows he needs to set some limits with her, but he keeps delaying the conversation because he knows how she’ll react. Both Karen and Donald have something in common: they both feel stuck in their relationships: Unable to move because danger lies in every choice, yet still compelled to do something. They’ve made compromises they can’t live with in the long term, but don’t know how to go back and change things. Why Do People Get Stuck? People who care about someone with borderline personality disorder in their lives get stuck for several reasons: Unhealthy bonds forged by ...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

Urge Surfing - A Mindfulness Skill to Cope with Self-Harm Urges

Find a quiet place where you will be relatively free from distractions and unlikely to be bothered by anyone. Sit in a comfortable position. Write down how strong your urge is on a scale from 0 (no urge at all) to 10 (the strongest urge you’ve ever had). Then, write down how much you feel as if you can handle your urge on a scale from 0 (can’t take it for one more second) to 10 (could handle it for ten hours straight if you had to). Imagine that you’re standing on a surfboard on the ocean in a warm, tropical place. You can see the white, sandy shore in front of you, there’s a slight breeze, and you can smell the salt of the ocean. There are a few fluffy, white clouds overhead, and the sun feels warm on your back. Really transport your mind to this scene. Now, imagine that your urge to harm yourself is the wave that you’re riding. Really notice what the urge feels like in your body. Zero in on the sensations you feel (for example, tightness in your muscles). Now, imagine that you’...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Monday, May 18, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Listening for Couples

Perhaps the most important application for your listening skills is when you communicate with your partner. A process called reciprocal communication provides a structure in which you can really hear each other. Here’s how it works. When you’re discussing a topic that is a conflict area for you, take turns being the speaker and the listener, switching places after five minutes. When you’re the speaker: Explain your point of view briefly and succinctly. Avoid blaming and name-calling. Don’t accuse and don’t focus on your partner’s failings. Talk in terms of yourself and your experience. Focus on what you want and what you feel. When you’re the listener: Give your full attention so that you can really understand your partner’s feelings, opinions, and needs. Don’t disagree, argue, or correct anything your partner says. You can ask questions to clarify an issue but not to debate and make cou...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Friday, May 15, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ten Steps to Happiness and Emotional Fulfillment

By guest blogger Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. We all want to feel happy and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your joie de vivre and bring more happiness into you life. 1. We are not alone. No this isn't about ET, it's about OP - other people. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and you'll smile more. 2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love. 3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what's working and don't push away something just because it isn't perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in. 4. Imagine the best. Don't be afraid to look at what you really want and ...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ten Steps to Happiness and Emotional Fulfillment

By guest blogger Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. We all want to feel happy and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your joive de vive and bring more happiness into you life. 1. We are not alone. No this isn't about ET, it's about OP - other people. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and you'll smile more. 2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love. 3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what's working and don't push away something just because it isn't perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in. 4. Imagine the best. Don't be afraid to look at what you really want and ...

Posted By / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Monday, May 11, 2009

Addressing the Impact of Trauma on Relationships: Steps toward Reclaiming Intimacy

by guest bloggers Suzanne B. Phillips Psy.D.,ABPP,CGP, and Dianne Kane DSW,CGP The disruption of intimacy is too often the collateral damage of trauma. Trauma, be it the loss of a child, a natural disaster, a diagnosis of illness or combat stress affects relationships. Because trauma assaults one’s sense of self, one’s view of the world and trust in others, it changes the definition of personal safety and the conscious and unconscious desire for closeness. Whether one partner or both are hurt, grieving, having nightmares, too numb to feel, too angry to speak or too sad to hope- both partners in a relationship struggle and suffer. Accordingly, trauma often disrupts partners and the intimacy they share. Believing that a couple’s relationship is not only often the locus of pain but a crucial source of resilience and recovery, the goal of our chapter “ Dancing in the Dark “ in the book Healing Together: A Couple’s Guide to Coping with Trauma and Post-traumatic Stress is t...

Posted By / 12:01 AM / Monday, May 11, 2009

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