excerpt from Letting Go of Anger

“When I’m really mad at others, I sometimes take it out on myself.” “I get just as mad at myself as I do at other people.” “I just hate my guts.” Anger turned inward means taking the feeling of anger, and behaving in a way that turns that anger on ourselves. The results are that we hurt ourselves, sometimes knowingly but often without thinking much about it. Although anger is a feeling, it can lead us to angry behaviors such as blaming, ignoring, shaming, criticizing, attacking, condemning, abandoning, and physically harming its target. What happens when we target ourselves for these kinds of punishments? We often hear people say they are frustrated, angry, even furious with themselves. Some people get as angry with themselves as they do with others in their lives. But many say they are angry only with themselves. There are also those who refuse to admit any anger whatever, but treat themselves like yesterday’s trash. They are angry and disgusted that they are here in this world, feeling inadequate and paralyzed, they try to justify the fact that they exist, and often feel like failures.

It is when we turn our anger inward often, with too much energy, calling ourselves names and feeling angry with ourselves for whatever we do, that our anger becomes a problem—for us and usually for those who love us, as well.

Present Perfect by Pavel Somov, Ph.D. is Psych Central's Book of the Month. Read Psych Central founder John Grohol's review here

excerpt from The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids

Think back to your own childhood for a moment. What are the five most stressful moments that come to mind? If you are like many adults, family fights are at the top of your list.

All couples argue at some time. All kids lose their tempers, too. It is rare to find siblings who don’t occasionally quarrel or call each other names. But arguing and fighting should be an exception, not a rule. If your family life is tainted by constant bickering, sarcasm, yelling, or other forms of arguing, you should put peacemaking at the top of your stress-reduction to-do list.

Everyone, even children as young as five, can learn peacemaking or conflict-resolution skills. Conflict-resolution programs have been used in schools for more than a decade, and there is one thing we know about them: they work. There are many ways to teach these same skills at home. Here is one activity that can help family members find peaceful ways to resolve their differences.

excerpt from Parenting Your Out-of-Control Child

Research suggests that one important factor in differentiating parents who become physically abusive from those who don’t is the parents’ belief that their child is misbehaving on purpose; that is, the child knows the right way to behave but is misbehaving to spite the parents or make them angry. It has been my experience that many parents of out-of control children share this belief. At times, they see their child behave appropriately. Consequently, during those times when he misbehaves, they assume that he has purposefully decided to do so. This belief is further strengthened when parents experience their child’s verbal challenges of authority, such as when the child says, “You can’t make me” or “I hate you.” However, this belief is incorrect as well as counterproductive; it only serves to exacerbate the parents’ anger.

Instead, recognize that out-of-control children are usually impulsive and tend to follow the path of least resistance to get what they want. They are likely to repeat what has worked for them in the past to obtain the consequence that they want, even if the manner of doing so was inappropriate. As many noted behaviorists have pointed out over the years, it is the consequence after the behavior that determines whether that behavior will be performed again. If a behavior results in a consequence that your child considers desirable, he is more likely to perform this behavior in the future. If not, the likelihood of performing the same behavior is diminished.

New Harbinger Publications is now on Huffington Post! Our first piece is Top 10 Tips for Getting Your Dream Job. Bill Knaus, Ed.D., co-author of Fearless Job Hunting wrote this piece.

To see our latest pieces, please visit our Huffington Post page. Look forward to more pieces from a host of authors in the future!

by guest blogger Kiera Van Gelder, MFA, author of The Buddha and the Borderline

When Merinda Epstein, a Policy and Law Reform Officer of the Mental Health Legal Centre in Melborne Australia, made the decision to “come out” with borderline personality disorder as a consumer advocate, her therapist was horrified. She asked Epstein, “why would you want to talk about that diagnosis in public for? You’ve got a perfectly good psychotic diagnosis to use in public!”

Such unfortunately is the reaction many of us who self-identify as “borderline” encounter. You can be a drug addict, have depression, OCD, schizophrenia, or any other number of diagnoses and people will shake your hand and congratulate you on your courage and honesty. But if you say you have BPD, everyone—from counselors to well meaning friends to even DBT therapists, will prophesize that you’ve just ruined your chances of ever getting a good job, relationship or credit rating. The last thing you ever want to be in the line-up of mental illnesses is borderline. Even if you have it. Perhaps, especially if you have it.

I didn’t know this at first. I came to the diagnosis from the twelve step community, where they say “you can’t save your ass and your face at the same time.” I didn’t care what I had, so long as I knew there’d be a solution to it. And the doctor assured me there was, in the form of a new treatment called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). I called one of my few remaining friends as soon as I got out of the doctor’s office. “Good news!” I gushed “I have borderline personality disorder! And it makes perfect sense!”

There was a pause on the other end of the phone and then Laura shrieked, “there is no f-ing way you are borderline!!” I pulled the phone away from my ear. “Why not?” “Think fatal attraction.. Knives and stalking. Psychobitch from hell. That’s not you!”

by guest blogger Fugen Neziroglu, Ph.D., co-author of Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding

Hoarding is defined as the acquisition and failure to discard a vast amount of items that appear to have little or no value. It is a serious disorder that can have a severe impact on one’s everyday life. The clutter associated with hoarding provides a lack of functional living space, and even can lead to unsafe, unsanitary living conditions. Hoarding is often associated with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) with 20-30% of individuals with OCD showing hoarding symptoms. However, hoarding can also be seen in obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), depression, dementia, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and eating disorders.

While many individuals may acquire multiple items or collect things, individuals with hoarding have difficulty in regulating the amount of items that are acquired, discarding items, and /or organizing the items. Many individuals with hoarding provide rationales for hanging on to their objects. This reasoning includes emotional comfort, a reminder of an important memory, a perceived value of the item, or a sense of responsibility that one must not be wasteful, and control over their possessions among others. Individuals that hoard items can have an intense perceived connection to the items acquired, thus discarding the item can provoke severe anxiety.

The repercussions of hoarding are severe and dangerous. Individuals that hoard have poor quality of life. Their living space is often unhealthy and unsafe. The incredible amount of clutter and disorganization can lead to health issues including headaches, insomnia, and allergies. Often there can be structural damage to homes such as water leaks due to the weight of the possessions, as well as fire hazards with the multitude of items blocking the exits. Additionally, hoarding may to lead to social isolation. The clutter environment does not provide opportunities for others to visit. Hoarding greatly affects family members as well as the patients. Hoarding can lead to strain in familial relationships. There may be financial problems or resentment from a spouse, child, or sibling, ending in divorce, separation, or children moving out of the home. Family members have to make accommodations and adjustments to their everyday life, for example, children and spouses cannot have friends over due to the living conditions.

excerpt from The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Personality Disorders

Develop Alternative Responses to Unhelpful Thoughts

If you already recognize the unhelpful thinking style that you use, find it below and learn how you can challenge it. However, if you haven’t already identified the style you frequently use, be patient. For the moment, just review the list and become familiar with the unhelpful thinking styles and their alternative responses.