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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Mating Season

By guest blogger Susan Kuchinskas Spring is in full bloom in northern California. The cherry trees have their wedding-lace blossoms on, while the plums and peaches are already gestating the rosy orbs of late summer. In the park, shapely legs and bare shoulders are turning heads. It's mating season. My friend is thinking about mating, too. It's been five years since she lost her partner of 28 years, and for the first time, she's met someone she likes. Their first date went well, and now she's trying not to plummet into that state of anxious obsessive desire that we call falling in love. I encourage her to take it slow. "As I say in my book," I say ponderously, and we both laugh. (That's the first time I get to say that, it's great.) But the book does say it, and the science supports it: "Take it slow. You don't even need to decide if you're really dating." Great advice, but it's hard to take. Everything in the media tells us we should fall in love immediately, today, at fi...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Acceptance, Commitment, and Willingness

If control is central to the problem of excessive worry and anxiety, what is the alternative to control? The short answer to this question is “willingness.” WILLINGNESS & THE OUTSIDE/INSIDE PRINCIPLE We can develop willingness in two areas of experience: outside and inside. • Outside Willingness = Commitment Willingness on the outside involves a willingness to do the things that are important or valuable to us. This willingness on the outside can be described as a commitment to take action in a specific way. Of course, taking certain actions is often associated with certain feelings and thoughts. When it comes to taking action in areas where we tend to avoid and procrastinate, these feelings and thoughts often include anxiety and worry. • Inside Willingness = Acceptance Willingness on the inside means a willingness to feel the feelings and experience the thoughts that come up in a given situation or when we take a specific action....

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

Anxious Times - Resilient Parenting

By guest blogger Christopher McCurry, Ph.D. Lately people have been asking me, now that the economy is in a shambles, if I’m seeing more anxious children in my clinical practice. I can’t honestly say I’m seeing more anxious children, but I am noticing a marked increase in parent anxiety. Who isn’t stressed these days? Those of us in the “sandwich generation” are caring for our children as well as for our aging parents. We are trying to keep our jobs or find new ones. Every day brings more bad news. How can we remain resilient as we navigate these treacherous social and financial waters? Here’s what I’ve been advising anxious parents lately. I’d be interested to know what other advice clinicians and parents might have. First, some Don’ts: ▪ Don’t be alarmed or offended if your children appear short-sighted and self-centered in the face of economic hardship; “Will we still be able to go to Disneyland for my birthday?” Give your chi...

Posted By newharb / 12:01 AM / Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

Tension and Relaxation Exercise: Creating Your Special Place

In creating your special place you will be making a refuge for relaxation and guidance. This place can be indoors or out. When structuring your place, follow these few guidelines: Allow a private entry into your place. Make it peaceful, comfortable, and safe. Fill your place with sensuous detail. Create a middle ground, foreground, and background. Allow room for an inner guide or other person to be there with you comfortably. A special place might be at the end of a path that leads to a pond. Grass grows under your feet, the pond is about thirty yards away, and mountains are in the distance. You can feel the coolness of the air in this shady spot. The mockingbird is singing. The sun is bright on the pond. The honeysuckle’s pungent odor attracts the bee buzzing over the flowers with their sweet nectar. Or your special place might be a sparkling clean kitchen, with cinnamon buns baking in the oven. Through the kitchen window you can see fields of yellow wheat. A...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Monday, April 13, 2009

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