by guest blogger Nina W. Brown, Ed.D., LPC, author of Children of the Self-Absorbed

Self-absorbed parents can intentionally, but mostly unintentionally, inflict wounds on their children. They do not see how what they do or say is wounding, and can become very upset and angry at such a charge. Nothing you do or say produces any empathy, understanding of your perspective, or acknowledgment of the wounding experience.

This pattern of wounding was set in childhood which has now carried over into your adulthood, and continues to exert it negative impact on you. Thus, even though you are an adult, you can still find yourself hurt, angry, frustrated and the like by something your parent said or did. You can even realize that you are reacting now just as you did when you were a child, but feel helpless and powerless to stop reacting as you do. It’s all very frustrating and unsettling. I’ll provide examples of this wounding, and give a couple of suggestions for coping.

excerpt from Serenity To Go

Carrying the world on your shoulders? ’Fess up. You’re not Atlas, and you’re simply not equipped to lug around all the planet’s—or your office’s—problems. Time to give yourself, your shoulders and back a relaxing stretch.

excerpt from Cool, Calm, and Confident: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills.

For You To Know

Solving problems with other people takes thought and energy. Sometimes it is hard to put aside our angry feelings and try to work things out. Learning and remembering some problem-solving guidelines can make it easier to act and resolve your problems assertively.

C— Calm down. “You have to be calm before you try to solve a problem or you’ll be too angry to think clearly,” she said.

A— Allow a good amount of time. “You have to allow enough time to really sit and listen to each other and work on the problem.”

T— Think ahead. “If you think ahead about what you want to say, what is important to you, and how you might solve the problem, you will stick to the subject and solve things more quickly.”

T—Talk nicely. “No name calling or saying mean things to the other person.”

S— Stay focused on one problem. “Don’t talk about other problems or things that happened days or weeks ago. Just stick to the one problem you have today.”

excerpt from Coping with Cliques

starting off …

You’re thinking that you could never be the bully. Oh no, everyone likes you. Or maybe they don’t like you and they’ve teased you in the past, but you would never ever do to them what they did to you. Well, guess again. After all, you’re only human. If a situation presents itself, wouldn’t you be the slightest bit tempted? You probably would. But resist that temptation, or else the gossip-bully syndrome will go on and on, knocking everyone down and making school utterly and totally poisonous. You can choose to respond in a way that will make it stop.

Today is the 1-year anniversary of our blog, Off The Couch! To celebrate, we're having a book giveaway on Twitter. It's going on right now. For more details, check here.

April 13th is the 1-year anniversary of Off The Couch! To celebrate, we're having a book giveaway.

When: Tuesday, April 13 at 1pm ET (10am PT)

Where: Twitterverse

How to Participate:

1. Follow @NewHarbinger on Twitter.
2. On April 13 at 1pm ET (10am PT), visit http://twitter.com/NewHarbinger and retweet our current post.

Selection of Winners:

1. The first 12 people who retweet the post will receive a free book of their choice.
2. We will let the winners know that they have won, and the winners can DM us with the title of the book they want.
3. We will also have a couple bonus book giveaways throughout the day. At different times, we'll announce that whoever is the first person to retweet that current message will receive a book of their choice, so pay attention to our tweets all day!

Prize:

• We send each winner their specified book. Free book! Free shipping!

excerpt from Don’t Pick On Me

Bullies who pick on you like it when you get angry or upset. It gives them the satisfaction of knowing that whatever they did got to you. So if someone picks on you, it’s important to try not to let your feelings show.