by guest blogger Judith London, Ph.D., author of Connecting the Dots

The appearance of Alzheimer’s touches relatives or friends, close or distant, to change every aspect of their relationship with a loved one who has this disease. As Alzheimer’s advances, the only constant may be the love that you have between you, and that you can still maintain, if you don’t give up on the person prematurely.

Excerpt from My Mother, My Mirror

I recently looked at an afghan my mother helped me crochet in the later years of her life. Her hands were too arthritic to do more than a couple of model stitches at a time, but the pleasure she got out of teaching me seemed to outweigh whatever encumbrance in her joints she experienced. And I got pleasure from letting her teach me. She felt excited when I’d finished it (so did I, after ripping out a particular part one time too many) and was happy when family members could wrap themselves in it to keep warm. Though I’d chosen the afghan’s colors and design, and done most of the work, it was a cocreation in which yarn interwove as did my mother’s and my feelings.

Excerpt from My Mother, My Mirror

When I began to think about mother-daughter relationships, I recalled my seventh-grade lunch table. One of my schoolmates, June, would often say, after slowly unfolding the foil wrapped around her sandwich and peering inside with what seemed like dread, "Damn, my mother gave me shit on rye again." Each time, I would think, "How could she say that about her mother? She must not love her mother. I’d never say that about my mother."

Excerpt from Home Without Going Crazy

Shaming signals, quite naturally, bring us to the topic of guilt, which is the internal version of shame. Guilt lock explains one of life’s great mysteries: how you can feel so bad about a given event and still do nothing about it. Guilt lock is the emotional equivalent to gridlock, and it is just as paralyzing.

Excerpt from Going Home without Going Crazy: How to Get Along with Your Parents and Family (Even When They Push Your Buttons)

Flooding occurs when an adrenaline over load over whelms parts of the brain. Have you ever been so upset you can’t think, can’t speak, can barely cope? That’s flooding. You may already know some thing about flooding from the fight-or-flight syndrome, where the more primitive parts of the brain over ride the more advanced parts. The result is knee-jerk fear or aggression and a distinct lack of level headed reason.

You can expect flooding to affect you both physically and mentally. Physical symptoms act like an early warning system.

Your ultimate goal is to control flooding rather than allow it to control you.

by guest blogger Judith L. London, Ph.D., author of Connecting the Dots

Hope. That is not a word that people often associate with Alzheimer’s. However, for the five million people in the U.S. with this illness, over 10 million unpaid caregivers and the many millions more involved in ancillary care, there are bright spots.