excerpt from Parenting Your Out-of-Control Child

Research suggests that one important factor in differentiating parents who become physically abusive from those who don’t is the parents’ belief that their child is misbehaving on purpose; that is, the child knows the right way to behave but is misbehaving to spite the parents or make them angry. It has been my experience that many parents of out-of control children share this belief. At times, they see their child behave appropriately. Consequently, during those times when he misbehaves, they assume that he has purposefully decided to do so. This belief is further strengthened when parents experience their child’s verbal challenges of authority, such as when the child says, “You can’t make me” or “I hate you.” However, this belief is incorrect as well as counterproductive; it only serves to exacerbate the parents’ anger.

Instead, recognize that out-of-control children are usually impulsive and tend to follow the path of least resistance to get what they want. They are likely to repeat what has worked for them in the past to obtain the consequence that they want, even if the manner of doing so was inappropriate. As many noted behaviorists have pointed out over the years, it is the consequence after the behavior that determines whether that behavior will be performed again. If a behavior results in a consequence that your child considers desirable, he is more likely to perform this behavior in the future. If not, the likelihood of performing the same behavior is diminished.

excerpt from Children of the Self-Absorbed

Creativity, as used here, includes the following:

• Developing new ways to do things and solve problems
• Perceiving things from a new perspective
• Bringing a fresh, new, or novel approach to something that already exists
• Engaging in creating something that brings you pleasure
• Learning something you did not know and making constructive use of the knowledge
• Streamlining, correcting, reducing, or eliminating barriers, constraints, and roadblocks
• Trying something different

excerpt from Children of the Self-Absorbed

Your self-absorbed parent may still expect you to be at his beck and call, even though you are an adult and have a life and responsibilities separate from him. He may make unreasonable demands on you to do things he can do for himself, to be responsible for his physical and emotional welfare, to always do what he wants you to do or to be what he wants you to be, to act on his desires and wishes, and to accept his authority without dissent. He seems to think that your responsibilities, such as a job or family time, should be secondary to whatever he thinks or wants. You may try to meet as many of his expectations and demands as you possibly can, but you can never give him enough, and trying to meet his demands may even be detrimental to other parts of your life. Both unreasonable demands and intrusive questions show a lack of understanding and respect for your boundaries. Further, both put you in a position where you run the risk of off ending if you do not immediately comply and do what is wanted or supply the desired answers. Intrusive questions are those that ask for intimate, personal, and sensitive information about yourself or others that you may not want to share. When faced with questions like these, you may need time to understand your own needs, desires, and wishes, and when engaged in an interaction, you cannot take the time you need. You are too busy interacting and reacting.

by guest blogger Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D., author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book and The Gift of Adult ADD, and Listening to Depression

The quickest way to transform your child’s problem into strengths is to ask yourself repeatedly “What is right with my child?” This will force you to find your child’s gifts. One parent whose child didn’t do as well as other children in school, was able to tell herself that her child was creative and artistic and she could foster those qualities. When she was tempted to sink into despair when she compared her own son with other kids who seemed to easily do well in school she asked herself “What’s right with my child?” It will be normal to compare your child to others. There is no way to avoid doing so in our competitive culture. I think that there is no freedom from worry when you are a parent, but you can find freedom IN your worry. That means that you recognize that worry is the work of being a parent and you channel it into productive action and stay positive.

excerpt from The Holistic Baby Guide

Treating your baby’s fever and acute symptoms at home is easy enough. The goal of treatment is to encourage healing and stimu¬late a strong immune response. Reducing the fever is not the goal, as the fever will do what is necessary to fight the illness. Natural remedies will encourage the fight.

The first and easiest remedy to try is homeopathic Belladonna. The classical indications for Belladonna are fever with sudden onset, radiating heat, and flushing and redness of the skin. There may be redness (indicating inflammation) at some specific location in the body: in the throat, the ears, the eyes, the skin—pretty much anywhere. Older children will complain of a headache. Babies who need Belladonna are often quiet and subdued, moaning and very hot to touch. Or they may be crying with discomfort. Belladonna is indicated before significant discharge develops with a cold or other symptoms appear later in an illness that would point the way to another remedy.

If babies are very uncomfortable and screaming in apparent pain, then you may want to try giving homeopathic Chamomilla. Often one dose will calm your baby and allow her to get back to sleep.

excerpt from The Joy of Parenting

Take a moment to think about the relationships in your life that are most important to you – those in which you feel closest to someone else. What is it about those relationships that you most value? Take a few moments and jot down your thoughts about this in your parenting journal.

If you’re like many parents, one of the valued characteristics you listed may have been “feeling heard.” When we’re very lucky, we find ourselves in relationships in which people “get” us – they have a solid understanding of our wants, desires, and dreams. They communicate that understanding in how they behave around us – by calling our attention to things we care about or being thoughtful without being asked and without expecting anything in return. Because these things are important to you, you won’t be surprised that these same attributes are probably what your child most values and trusts about her relationship with you.

Taking time to nurture a relationship like this with your child is important. After all, you’re the “base” from which your child ventures out into the world. You ensure his safety and offer a lens through which he will views other important relationships throughout his life. You show your young child how to be in the world by the way you relate to and behave with him. And that is an enormous responsibility – as well as an exquisite gift.

excerpt from Don’t Pick On Me

Bullies who pick on you like it when you get angry or upset. It gives them the satisfaction of knowing that whatever they did got to you. So if someone picks on you, it’s important to try not to let your feelings show.