by guest blogger Shawn T. Smith, PsyD, author of The User's Guide to the Human Mind

 

Do you feel like your husband or boyfriend has become lazy and uncaring? That he has stopped listening and no longer does his fair share? Are you two becoming increasingly irritated with each other over simple tasks?

It's a common pattern that can feed on itself and grow like an ugly weed. "I love you, snickerdoodle" turns into "you never help me anymore," followed by "maybe I would if you'd get off my back."

Let's talk about three of the most important things you can do to gain more cooperation out of your man. But first, an example of how not to motivate most members of the male species.

 

by guest blogger Stephanie Sarkis, PhD, author of 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD, 2nd ed.

What if you had the option to renew your marriage license every five years?

I think we can all agree that we would like to see happier people and a lower divorce rate.

What if every five years, you and your spouse could decide if you wanted to "re-up" or not?

Let's start considering the possibility of offering the option of a renewable marriage license.

While oxytocin, the "hormone of love," makes mothers more nurturing & people more giving, could it also fuel intolerance & discrimination? Susan Kuchinskas, author of The Chemistry of Connection, participates in a lively roundtable discussion about it. Listen to it here:

by guest blogger Elliot Cohen, PhD, author of The Dutiful Worrier

It is often said that love is a feeling. Since feelings are subjective, this makes it very difficult to describe love let alone determine how much someone loves another person. However, I want to take a different approach. Love, I will show, is not merely a feeling. Rather it is an activity. Moreover, this activity involves skill-building. Thus you can work at cultivating your love for another. You can get better (or worse) at loving someone. It is also possible to rank how well you are doing at loving someone. In fact, I will provide a "love inventory" that will help you to determine just how good you (or your significant others) really are at loving.

"To love," said Stendhal, "is to derive pleasure from seeing, touching, and feeling through all one's senses and as closely as possible, a lovable person who loves us." This is the popular view of what love is--a deep, all-pervasive positive feeling toward another person. Indeed, it is such a view of love that leads many of us to ask questions like these: "Is this feeling that I have really love?" "Yes I feel comfortable with him (her), but is this love?" "I thought falling in love would feel like fireworks going off, and this doesn't." "We have great sex but I am just not sure if it's love."

by guest blogger Randi Gunther, PhD, author of Relationship Saboteurs and When Love Stumbles

The media hype about older women seeking out young men for sexual contact has about worn me down. As a relationship therapist for four decades, I have certainly defended many unfairly labeled "dirty old men," who were just guys who fell in love with younger women for their beauty, energy, and potential for having children. Many of my older male patients have wanted to start families again and have created great second marriages.

Now I have a whole new group of valuable people to defend. In the past several years, I've had the pleasure of working with older women in relationships with often much younger men. They are not the "older women who frequent clubs to score sexually with younger men," as the new, and unfair definition is of "Cougars." They are quality, mature women who have been actively sought after by younger men for long-term, committed relationships. Yes, sex is an important part of their relationship, but there is so much more.

Michelle Skeen, PsyD, introduces her new book, The Critical Partner, which uses Schema Theory as a framework for learning new things about yourself and your partner. Check it out:

by guest blogger Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP, co-author of Healing Together

No one just shows up for a good relationship and relationships don’t just get better because time passes. It is what we do during that time that helps heal and enhance our relationships. Over the last few years I have written many blogs for couples. Here are six simple resolutions drawn from them that many have found enhance the bond they share with their partner.

by guest blogger Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Just One Thing

Think of times you've been truly wronged, in small ways or big ones. Maybe someone stole something, turned others against you, broke an agreement, cheated on you or spoke unfairly or abusively.

When things like these happen, I feel mad, hurt, startled, wounded, sad. Naturally it arises to want to strike back and punish, get others to agree with me, and make a case against the other person in my own mind.

These feelings and impulses are normal. But what happens if you get caught up in reactions and go overboard? (Which is different from keeping your cool, seeing the big picture and acting wisely -- which we'll explore below.) There's usually a release and satisfaction, and thinking you're justified. It feels good.

>For a little while.

Quick Tip for Therapists by Stephanie Moulton Sarkis, PhD, NCC, LMHC, author of 10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADD, 2nd ed.

A therapist can determine if a client's relationship is healthy by looking at the levels of control within a relationship. A healthy relationship is one that is interdependent: the partners are emotionally intimate and rely on each other, but also have their own interests and abilities. One partner does not try to control the other.

Huffington Post has just launched their Weddings section and we’re right there with them! Read The Conscious Bride author Sheryl Paul’s first blog piece.

It's one of our culture's last taboos. We can discuss sex; we can talk about money; we can divulge the darkest secrets about our family history in blog posts and on forums. But when it comes to the fear, doubts, anxiety, and ambivalence that characterize thousands of women's engagement experience every year, we hush up.

So the challenge is, how do we deal with the cultural injunction against feeling anything less than pure joy from "yes" to "I do"?