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Articles from personal growth

Monday, June 15, 2009

There's Such a Thing as Healthy Narcissism

Narcissism sounds like a disaster, doesn’t it? But is narcissism always bad? Actually, it’s not. Healthy narcissism contains the seeds of assertiveness and self-respect. While “healthy narcissism” sounds like an oxymoron, in reality narcissism occurs along a spectrum within the human condition. Embodied in human nature itself is a tendency for narcissistic expression. And that isn’t all bad. Healthy Childhood Narcissism When you delve into the literature on childhood development, you are reminded that nearly every child comes into the world with the capacity to be impulsive, angry, and demanding (as well as joyful, playful, and curious). These qualities are simply elements of the broad spectrum of emotions linked to a child’s natural vulnerability and innate temperament. Narcissism has robust value for children. It helps them express their physical and emotional discomfort, especially in the preverbal years. The child becomes angry, cries, and demands attention in order to obta...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Monday, June 15, 2009

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Art of Lowering Your Standards

Costs and Benefits of Lowering Your Standards If perfectionism is a problem for you, chances are that the high standards you hold for yourself or others are long-standing and deeply ingrained. The thought of giving up these standards may be very frightening for a number of reasons. First, although you may be aware of your tendency to be perfectionistic, it may be difficult for you to determine which beliefs are overly perfectionistic and which standards are appropriate. If overcoming perfectionism involves lowering certain standards, you may be fearful of lowering the “wrong” standards. Second, you may be reluctant to relax your standards if you believe that your performance will suffer. For example, if you believe that it is very important to be on time for appointments and therefore you always allow an extra hour to get anywhere, you may be fearful of giving up this practice in case you end up being late for appointments in the future. If you tend to be very detailed in everyth...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Thursday, May 21, 2009

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Pleasure Healing: What and Why?

by guest blogger Mary Beth Janssen Henry Miller said “the aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware—joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” Amen. Pleasure Healing is a dynamic 21st century approach to waking up to your full human potential, to higher levels of consciousness, and the resultant well-being. Many of us are simply living on the surface. Pleasure healing encourages you to plunge into the depths of who you are—your essence. Pleasure healing activities nurture you and give you a respite from the stressors in your life. They get you to pay attention. You come inside to the core of your being and commune with your higher self. When you pay exquisite attention, your energy shifts and you become the best that you can be—and you have fun while you’re at it! The capacity for delight is awakened and enlivened. Pleasure healing is when we engage in mindful practices, therapies and treatments drawn from the spa world for purposes of nurturing ourselves a...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Getting Unstuck: Negotiating Relationships with Borderline Personalities

by guest blogger Randi Kreger Karen’s husband of 25 years, Cole, has borderline personality disorder. He’s incredibly jealous and verbally abusive, so she wants to separate. But she knows he’ll suffer without her—he’s already made veiled threats that if she leaves him he’ll kill himself. Donald has a borderline client, Haley, who calls outside of office hours several days each week. He knows he needs to set some limits with her, but he keeps delaying the conversation because he knows how she’ll react. Both Karen and Donald have something in common: they both feel stuck in their relationships: Unable to move because danger lies in every choice, yet still compelled to do something. They’ve made compromises they can’t live with in the long term, but don’t know how to go back and change things. Why Do People Get Stuck? People who care about someone with borderline personality disorder in their lives get stuck for several reasons: Unhealthy bonds forged by ...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009

Listening for Couples

Perhaps the most important application for your listening skills is when you communicate with your partner. A process called reciprocal communication provides a structure in which you can really hear each other. Here’s how it works. When you’re discussing a topic that is a conflict area for you, take turns being the speaker and the listener, switching places after five minutes. When you’re the speaker: Explain your point of view briefly and succinctly. Avoid blaming and name-calling. Don’t accuse and don’t focus on your partner’s failings. Talk in terms of yourself and your experience. Focus on what you want and what you feel. When you’re the listener: Give your full attention so that you can really understand your partner’s feelings, opinions, and needs. Don’t disagree, argue, or correct anything your partner says. You can ask questions to clarify an issue but not to debate and make cou...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Friday, May 15, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ten Steps to Happiness and Emotional Fulfillment

By guest blogger Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. We all want to feel happy and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your joie de vivre and bring more happiness into you life. 1. We are not alone. No this isn't about ET, it's about OP - other people. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and you'll smile more. 2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love. 3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what's working and don't push away something just because it isn't perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in. 4. Imagine the best. Don't be afraid to look at what you really want and ...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Ten Steps to Happiness and Emotional Fulfillment

By guest blogger Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. We all want to feel happy and each one of us has different ways of getting there. Here are ten steps that you can take to increase your joive de vive and bring more happiness into you life. 1. We are not alone. No this isn't about ET, it's about OP - other people. Studies show that we are happiest when we are around those who are also happy. Stick with those who are joyful and you'll smile more. 2. Hold on to your values. What you find true, what you know is fair, and what you believe in are all values. Over time, the more you honor them, the better you will feel about yourself and those you love. 3. Accept the good. Look at your life and take stock of what's working and don't push away something just because it isn't perfect. When good things happen, even the very little ones, let them in. 4. Imagine the best. Don't be afraid to look at what you really want and ...

Posted By newharb / 12:00 AM / Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Monday, May 11, 2009

Two Boats and a Helicopter: Thoughts on Stress Management

Hold this thought gently as you read on: despite centuries of science, technology, and evolution; regardless of the miracles of medicine, psychology, and social development; irrespective of progress in all its forms, how you feel today probably has as much to do with whether the sun came out as anything else. Okay, continue. An old joke has stuck with me since I heard it, what? Twenty-five years ago, now? It goes like this: A storm descends on a small town, and the downpour soon turns into a flood. As the waters rise, the local preacher kneels in prayer on the church porch, surrounded by water. By and by, one of the townsfolk comes up the street in a canoe. "Better get in, Preacher. The waters are rising fast." "No," says the preacher. "I have faith in the Lord. He will save me." Still the waters rise. Now the preacher is up on the balcony, wringing his hands in supplication, when another guy zips up in a motorboat. "Come on, Preacher. We need to get you out of h...

Posted By troydufrene / 12:00 AM / Monday, May 11, 2009

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