excerpt from When Love Stumbles by Randi Gunther Ph.D.

For most of us, those feelings of being deeply known and unconditionally treasured first occurred when we were small children. Protected from the more conditional demands of the outside world, we could express our needs and feel entitled to their fulfillment. As an adult newly in love, we are likely to activate those childhood desires, sharing the words, phrases, and feelings that we remember from that time.

Randi Gunther Ph.D., author of When Love Stumbles

There are many ways to check out how your intimate relationship is doing but the following eight areas are the most important markers. If you and your partner go through them carefully, you'll end up with an informative and concise evaluation of where your relationship stands.

As you read the interpretation of each area, you may want to ask questions of each other to clarify and make certain you're on the same page. Then each of you will give that area of your relationship a score of 1 to 10 based on the following guidelines:

excerpt from Emotional Fitness for Couples

The course of working through a healing process in your relationship can be a burden. You can spend so much time working things out that you forget the reason you came together in the first place. Sometimes you stop doing those things that created the fond memories you are trying to hold on to.

Sometimes it’s important to put aside the working-it-out process and just have a good time. This gives you a chance to allow the other feelings you are processing to settle and find their proper place. It gives you an opportunity to reconnect on a different, yet familiar level.

We can forget how to play with each other because our competitive lifestyles have taught us how to play against each other. Playing with your partner will help heal your relationship. Remembering how to have fun takes a little time and experimentation, but, like riding a bike, it’s something you never forget.

by guest blogger Ronald Alexander, Ph.D., author of Wise Mind, Open Mind

I think everyone from young to old is aware that Valentine's Day is Feb. 14. But did you know that starting Feb. 13 it is also Random Acts of Kindness Week? Now this seems appropriate, since Valentine's Day is supposedly based on the martyred saints who, around 200 A.D., performed marriages for soldiers ordered by the Roman Emperor to remain single. Their acts weren't necessarily random, but they were based on kindness and service.

Today, service -- or Seva, as we say in Sanskrit -- is essential for one's transformation, personal growth and tapping into their creativity. At every step of the way in your journey, you need to be sharing in some shape or form, whether it's to somebody in need of comfort or financial help. I think it's important to see that we are all in this together; it's not about acquiring more stuff or taking care of what you have. It's about actively -- in a social, political or spiritual way -- contributing to the whole thing.

Huffington Post feature.

• Do you feel your partners value some of your behaviors at the beginning of a relationship but reject you for those same behaviors over time?
• When your partners begin to complain about those behaviors, do you tend to be defensive and dismiss their concerns?
• Do you find yourself stubbornly clinging to certain behavior patterns even when you feel you are pushing your partners away by continuing to do them?
• Do you believe that your other qualities are so special that your partners should not hold you accountable for those that he or she doesn't like?
• When your relationships end do you usually feel unfairly rejected and confused?

If you mostly answered yes to these questions, you may be a relationship saboteur. What that means is that you have repeatedly found yourself ultimately rejected for certain behaviors that your partners seemed to desire when your relationship was new, and cannot understand why.

excerpt from Love Tune-Ups:

Here are some other pursuits you and your partner might try:

• Take a class together on something you’re both interested in learning more about, for example: martial arts, photography, home improvement, Spanish, the modern novel, music appreciation, or meditation.
• Switch responsibilities for a month. For example, if you always pay the bills, let your partner hold the checkbook. If your partner always cooks, take over the apron for a month. You’ll get a nice break from your usual chores and a new appreciation for your partner’s practical contributions to your life.
• Try something new in bed: act out a fantasy, do some role playing, have sex in an unusual place, read erotica aloud to each other, leave each other amorous notes.
• Get a new cookbook and try some foods you’ve never eaten before.
• If you never have people over, plan a party. Have people over for dinner, or create your own monthly film festival. Cook an elaborate meal together, or plan a potluck.

No matter what you decide to do, trying something new is always a good way to infuse fresh energy into your relationship and your life.

by guest blogger Randi Gunther, Ph.D., author of Relationship Saboteurs.

Many people begin relationships with hope and optimism, only to have each of them end without apparent reason. They painstakingly go over every detail, but can't seem to find the clues that explain why or how that happens.

"When I fall in love, I give everything I've got to make a relationship work. Even if my partner doesn't reciprocate perfectly right away, it doesn't matter. I keep thinking that if I do it right, I'll get what I want eventually. I know I sometimes get resentful when I'm doing most of the giving, but I still keep looking for ways to make my partner happy. And they sure seem to enjoy it when we first get together. I don't know why they leave when they're getting such a great deal."

Suzanne Phillips, Ph.D., co-author of Healing Together, wrote a piece on her Psych Central "Healing Together for Couples" blog that has really gained speed:

Can Pets Improve Your Relationship?

Tara Parker-Poker, blogger for The New York Times, wrote about it. Jezebel.com referred to the NYT.com piece.

Dr. Phillips was featured on "Good Day New York" to discuss the issue:

Excerpt from Intimacy After Infidelity

Self-Intimacy is the moment-to-moment awareness of one’s feelings, thoughts, and needs as well as the willingness to acknowledge and own these to oneself and with one’s partner.

Why Self-Intimacy Is So Important

• The Decision to be unfaithful is born here.
• SI represents the best way to take care of yourself, especially with regard to expressing negative feelings.
• SI is directly connected to your instincts.

Excerpt from Love Tune-Ups

Leaving little notes for your partner can add a wonderful zip to both their day and yours. You get to feel sneaky and loving at the same time, and they get a caring surprise. A love note is a simple, delightful way to bring you instantly closer, no matter where you are.