Huffington Post feature.

• Do you feel your partners value some of your behaviors at the beginning of a relationship but reject you for those same behaviors over time?
• When your partners begin to complain about those behaviors, do you tend to be defensive and dismiss their concerns?
• Do you find yourself stubbornly clinging to certain behavior patterns even when you feel you are pushing your partners away by continuing to do them?
• Do you believe that your other qualities are so special that your partners should not hold you accountable for those that he or she doesn't like?
• When your relationships end do you usually feel unfairly rejected and confused?

If you mostly answered yes to these questions, you may be a relationship saboteur. What that means is that you have repeatedly found yourself ultimately rejected for certain behaviors that your partners seemed to desire when your relationship was new, and cannot understand why.

excerpt from Love Tune-Ups:

Here are some other pursuits you and your partner might try:

• Take a class together on something you’re both interested in learning more about, for example: martial arts, photography, home improvement, Spanish, the modern novel, music appreciation, or meditation.
• Switch responsibilities for a month. For example, if you always pay the bills, let your partner hold the checkbook. If your partner always cooks, take over the apron for a month. You’ll get a nice break from your usual chores and a new appreciation for your partner’s practical contributions to your life.
• Try something new in bed: act out a fantasy, do some role playing, have sex in an unusual place, read erotica aloud to each other, leave each other amorous notes.
• Get a new cookbook and try some foods you’ve never eaten before.
• If you never have people over, plan a party. Have people over for dinner, or create your own monthly film festival. Cook an elaborate meal together, or plan a potluck.

No matter what you decide to do, trying something new is always a good way to infuse fresh energy into your relationship and your life.

by guest blogger Randi Gunther, Ph.D., author of Relationship Saboteurs.

Many people begin relationships with hope and optimism, only to have each of them end without apparent reason. They painstakingly go over every detail, but can't seem to find the clues that explain why or how that happens.

"When I fall in love, I give everything I've got to make a relationship work. Even if my partner doesn't reciprocate perfectly right away, it doesn't matter. I keep thinking that if I do it right, I'll get what I want eventually. I know I sometimes get resentful when I'm doing most of the giving, but I still keep looking for ways to make my partner happy. And they sure seem to enjoy it when we first get together. I don't know why they leave when they're getting such a great deal."

Suzanne Phillips, Ph.D., co-author of Healing Together, wrote a piece on her Psych Central "Healing Together for Couples" blog that has really gained speed:

Can Pets Improve Your Relationship?

Tara Parker-Poker, blogger for The New York Times, wrote about it. Jezebel.com referred to the NYT.com piece.

Dr. Phillips was featured on "Good Day New York" to discuss the issue:

Excerpt from Intimacy After Infidelity

Self-Intimacy is the moment-to-moment awareness of one’s feelings, thoughts, and needs as well as the willingness to acknowledge and own these to oneself and with one’s partner.

Why Self-Intimacy Is So Important

• The Decision to be unfaithful is born here.
• SI represents the best way to take care of yourself, especially with regard to expressing negative feelings.
• SI is directly connected to your instincts.

Excerpt from Love Tune-Ups

Leaving little notes for your partner can add a wonderful zip to both their day and yours. You get to feel sneaky and loving at the same time, and they get a caring surprise. A love note is a simple, delightful way to bring you instantly closer, no matter where you are.

Excerpt from Emotional Fitness for Intimacy

When tenderness is removed from a relationship, with it goes a sense of security. Here are ten tips for tenderness that will help you keep it.

Excerpt from Connecting Through Touch

Learning to touch with sensitivity is central to learning massage. Technique means nothing without quality of touch. What makes a "good" touch, as opposed to a "bad" one? You would probably agree that you want the person touching you to be present, calm, and centered and the touch to be sensitive and firm yet gentle and nurturing. You want to feel safe and not invaded, and most of all, you want a loving touch, especially from your partner. Now, let’s begin with an exercise in sensitivity practice.