by guest blogger Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D.

If you have been depressed for a long time, you may encounter the obstacle that you forgot what it feels like to be not depressed. Paradoxically, healing from depression may be uncomfortable to you because it may represent new territory for you. In this way, depression becomes like a habit, and may be hard to break. One way to prepare for this obstacle is to remind yourself that you deserve to be free from this habit and that you would rather be afraid than depressed. As in the fear of losing control, even positive changes will bring with them fear and a sense of losing control. As you bring awareness to the threat of changing your life, the choice you would make between comfortable depression and the unknown will be obvious.

Depression as an Attachment

One obstacle to healing from depression happens when a person grows up in a family where parents or siblings were significantly depressed. It can happen that in a person’s attachment to a parent or sibling who is depressed, that he identifies with the loved one through the feelings of depression. If this is the case, than letting go of the depression is terribly threatening because it may feel like letting go of the person. For example, women who are depressed and had depressed mothers may use the depression as a means of maintaining their sense of connection to their mothers and feel that they are abandoning their mothers by letting go of the depression. The best way to confront this obstacle is to be aware of it and consider if it applies to you. If you have a depressed relative that you are deeply attached to, you may want to confront this obstacle by telling yourself that the best thing you can give to others is to make your own life work. Your happiness is always a gift to those who care deeply for you.


Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist licensed in California. She is author of The Gift of ADHD and Listening to Depression: How Understanding Your Pain Can Heal Your Life, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book: 101 Ways To Transform Problems into Strengths and The Gift of Adult ADD. Visit her website at www.visionarysoul.com.