By Mary C. Lamia, Ph.D. and Marilyn Krieger, Ph.D., authors of The White Knight Syndrome

The terrorizing/terrified white knight is the subtype most likely to have experienced overwhelming fear and shame as a child. This white knight tends to have had a traumatic early childhood that may have included sexual, emotional, or physical abuse. Such an extremely difficult childhood has left him with limited skills to handle his psychological burden.

Given her chaotic inner world, the terrorizing/terrified white knight believes she must take extreme measures to maintain a sense of emotional safety, stay close to her partner, and avoid abandonment. These measures often involve physically and emotionally controlling her partner and can involve the use of sex and jealousy to achieve that control.

To keep his vulnerability hidden, the terrorizing/terrified white knight creates situations where others feel afraid or shamed. Through various behaviors, the terrorizing/terrified white knight makes his partner feel the same feelings that he struggles to avoid-emptiness, jealousy, shame, anger, and fear of abandonment. He may be accusatory, critical, or mocking in an attempt to relieve himself of shame by shaming her.

The following case, a composite of many individuals, illustrates how the terrorizing/terrified white knight's unhealthy attempts to feel in control and safe damages her relationships.

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