Costs and Benefits of Lowering Your Standards

If perfectionism is a problem for you, chances are that the high standards you hold for yourself or others are long-standing and deeply ingrained. The thought of giving up these standards may be very frightening for a number of reasons. First, although you may be aware of your tendency to be perfectionistic, it may be difficult for you to determine which beliefs are overly perfectionistic and which standards are appropriate. If overcoming perfectionism involves lowering certain standards, you may be fearful of lowering the “wrong” standards.

Second, you may be reluctant to relax your standards if you believe that your performance will suffer. For example, if you believe that it is very important to be on time for appointments and therefore you always allow an extra hour to get anywhere, you may be fearful of giving up this practice in case you end up being late for appointments in the future. If you tend to be very detailed in everything you do (for example, when giving people directions, writing memos, cleaning), you may be fearful that performing tasks in a less detailed way will lead to problems. People often believe that their perfectionistic standards keep everything in their life from falling apart. They fear that giving up perfectionistic standards will lead to chaos.

A third reason why people are reluctant to become less perfectionistic is because they don’t want to seem inconsistent or wishy-washy to others. If you have spent a lot of time and energy trying to have others do things your way or trying to create a certain image of yourself, the thought of changing your expectations or image may feel threatening to you. It may be very difficult to admit that you may have been too strict, or even worse, that you may have been wrong. It’s ironic that most people admire others who can admit when they have made a mistake, yet it is often very difficult for us to admit our own mistakes.

Before making the decision to become less perfectionistic, you should consider the possible costs and benefits of changing. For some standards and rules that you hold, the costs of changing may outweigh the benefits. For other standards, the benefits will outweigh the costs. Examining the costs and benefits of becoming less perfectionistic can help you to decide which standards to relax.

adapted from When Perfect Isn't Good Enough, 2nd edition: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism