We’d like to introduce you to people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) so you can see how these symptoms affect people in their daily lives. Except for Cherry, these people are composites of many people with OCD. You may observe similarities between yourself and one or more of the people described, but this is only coincidental.

Cherry’s Story: "What If? " — An Unwanted Companion

Mys truggle with OCD began with the fear that I hadn’t locked the door when I left the house. After some time passed, my need to check and worry increased until it invaded my entire life. I frequently and repeatedly returned to the house to check the door, coffeepot, or stove. Away from home, I often stopped what I was doing and returned to my car to make sure the emergency brake was set and the door was locked. What-if scenarios became my constant companions: “What if I left the car door unlocked, and a child got inside the car and then got hurt?” “What if I didn’t set the brake, and the car was bumped from behind and rolled forward and hurt someone?” My obsessions revolved around the fear that I had done something—or hadn’t done something—that could result in harm to others. I also had a problem with hand washing when I prepared meals, fearing that I might contaminate the food.

Now, over fifteen years after OCD became my constant unwanted companion, I can say that I’ve broken free from OCD. As I used the techniques Dr. Hyman and I have written about, my OCD became more and more bearable, and then gradually faded. In addition, I’ve used spiritual techniques and practices to help me let go of obsessive thoughts and resist compulsions.

Mary’s Story

Obsessive fears of becoming gravely ill from a disease took over Mary’s life when her oldest son contracted a life-threatening virus. She began to avoid blood, dirt, germs, and red spots for fear of the possibility—no matter how remote—of getting sick and not being able to take care of her son. Her fears grew for five years before she sought treatment. By that time, Mary was washing her hands about one hundred times a day, and her daily showering ritual took about one full hour.

She avoided going near hospitals, clinics, and doctors’ offices because she considered them contaminated.

Certain streets were off-limits too—streets where homeless people were likely to hang out, because she felt that homeless people were more likely to have open sores than people with homes. She avoided anything that might have a red spot on it in case the spot might be camouflaging a bloodstain.

Mary only felt truly comfortable in certain sections of her own home that she considered safe and clean. These areas were off-limits to other family members, especially her husband. Because he worked for a delivery company and made daily deliveries to local hospitals, Mary considered him to be contaminated.

When he came home from work, he had to shower immediately and put his clothes in the washing machine so Mary wouldn’t have to touch them.

 

Melody’s Story

Melody couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t check excessively. She didn’t consider her checking behavior to be a problem until she went to college and moved out of her parents’ home into a small apartment with a roommate. At first her roommate was thankful for Melody’s concern. It made her feel safe to see Melody check the door, stove, and appliances every night. However, Melody’s nightly rituals grew longer as more and more items were added to the list of things that had to be checked every night.

Her roommate grew alarmed when she saw that Melody was checking the windows, which were always locked, and looking in the backs of closets and under the beds. Also, everything had to be checked in a certain order. If Melody was interrupted or her concentration was broken, she started over. And sometimes she started over just because “it didn’t feel right.”

Melody also made copies of her course work and kept them in a box. In the evenings, she checked these copies over and over, afraid she had missed a crucial point or had written something offensive. She called home three or four times a day to check on her parents and little brother. She also checked on her friends and others she had associated with during the day. Had she said the wrong thing? Had she harmed someone by coughing with her mouth uncovered? Entire evenings were often spent reviewing the day’s events, looking for mistakes she might have made and ways she might have harmed someone.

Robert’s Story

Checking was a problem for Robert, too, but most of his checking compulsions revolved around driving. One night he saw a man standing in the median between the lanes. Robert glanced in the rearview mirror and saw the man dart across the road behind his car. Had he hit him? He looked back and didn’t see him on the other side of the street.

Robert made a U-turn at the next intersection and went back. He drove slowly by the spot where he had seen the man. Although he didn’t see a dead or injured body, he still wasn’t sure, so he turned around and drove by again. An hour later, he was late for his appointment and still unsure. He went home and waited anxiously for the evening television news. Surely they would report an accident if someone had been injured.

A week later, Robert drove by a woman riding a bicycle in the bike lane. Again, he was jolted by the thought that he might have hit her. He looked in the rearview mirror. She was still there, riding calmly, oblivious to his fears. Soon he was looking back and checking his mirror whenever he passed pedestrians and bicyclists. He got into the habit of watching the eleven o’clock news each night to check for accidents in areas where he had driven.

Ben’s Story

As a child, Ben had organized the toys in his room very carefully. Toy soldiers went in a box. Puzzles had their own place on the bookshelf. His books were sorted on the shelves according to their size: short ones on the right, taller ones on the left. At school, the other children had whispered about Ben’s rituals. He had placed his books under his chair in the same spot every day. His pencil always had a sharp point and was positioned at the top of his desk, exactly in the middle. He kept an eraser on the upper right corner, not too close to the edge. His papers always were arranged carefully in the middle of his desk.

 

As an adult, Ben rarely had visitors in his home. It was too much effort to put things back in order after they left. He couldn’t enjoy the few visits family members made because of the anxiety he experienced when something was moved out of its place.

Jack’s Story

Going through the thresholds of doors was Jack’s difficulty. If he had a “bad” thought or “something just didn’t feel right,” he had to go back and walk through the door again. When he passed through a doorway, he had to touch the right side, then the left, then the top of the doorway. If he felt okay, he walked through the door. If it didn’t feel right, he took a step back, then a step forward, and then he repeated his touching ritual.

Sitting in a chair or standing up from a chair also involved a ritual. First, Jack touched the floor, then both sides of the chair, then he stood. Writing took a lot of effort and time. He had to retrace each letter twice. Consequently, everything took Jack much longer than most people. He set his alarm for three in the morning so he could leave the house by seven. Every minute task involved in getting dressed and groomed had to be done “just right.”

Mark’s Story

Guilt plagued Mark constantly. When “bad” thoughts—usually of a blasphemous or sexual nature—came to his mind, he prayed. But the prayer had to be right, or it wouldn’t work. So the prayers had to be repeated over and over until they felt just right. It was particularly painful to Mark that his bad thoughts invaded his mind most often while he was in church. As a result, he was tempted to stay away from church and to give up his belief in God completely. But he also feared that if he left the church, that would make him feel even guiltier.

Liz’s Story

“One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.” For years, Liz justified her collection of stuff by repeating this phrase. But most of the items stashed in the boxes that lined her apartment were no one’s treasures, and over time the boxes became a burden. Liz tried to solve the problem by moving. She put the boxes in storage and started over, but her new apartment quickly filled with boxes too.

Liz saved newspapers, magazines, receipts, and mail—even the years-old advertisements and catalogs that filled her mailbox. She wasn’t sure why she saved things. But the thought of throwing anything away made her feel extremely anxious. Liz was deeply embarrassed and hadn’t had a visitor to her home in many years, which strained her friendships, as she made up excuses for never inviting her friends over.

Angelita’s Story

Angelita, a thirty-three-year-old mother with a two-year-old daughter, was preparing lunch. She picked up a knife to cut a tomato and suddenly, out of the blue, the thought of plunging the knife into her daughter popped into her mind. Horrified by such a thought, she was overwhelmed by intense feelings of guilt. The thought returned the next day, again while she was in the kitchen. That evening, while bathing her daughter, the thought “What if I drown my baby?” popped into her head. Again, the thought deeply disturbed her.

For the next several days, over and over again she thought, “I must be a horrible mother to think such terrible thoughts! I’d better do whatever I can to stop these thoughts.” To keep herself from thinking such disturbing thoughts, she distracted herself by repeating, “I’m a good mother and I’d never do that,” over and over in her mind. But still the thoughts recurred, growing stronger and stronger. Whenever she was alone with her daughter, she felt anxious. She began to avoid touching knives or anything sharp in the presence of her little girl, and she made sure that her mother (who didn’t know about the distressing thoughts), was present whenever she bathed her daughter.

Ron’s Story

Ron was also plagued by unwanted thoughts. In his mind, certain images played over and over like a continuous movie. They scared him because he feared they would come true. In these thoughts, he was harming someone violently, usually his wife, but also his coworkers and even his closest friends—whomever he was with at the time. He knew in his heart that he didn’t have any desire to harm anyone, so he was baffled as to why these thoughts played so strongly in his mind. He could be enjoying a movie or a meal with his family or friends, or just talking to a coworker, and the thoughts would burst into his mind. He developed a strategy of clenching his hands together tightly when the thoughts occurred, which caused severe muscle and joint soreness. He worried constantly that he was losing his mind or going crazy.

excerpt from The OCD Workbook: Your Guide to Breaking Free from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder by Bruce M. Hyman, Ph.D., and Cherlene Pedrick RN