Two of the biggest complaints I hear about bringing home baby are No Sleep and No Sex. So what can you expect? And how can you make the best of things during this difficult time. The number one risk factor for depression at any time in life is sleep deprivation. So it should come as no surprise that the sleep deprivation so prevalent with a new baby could cause major upheavals in mood and in the sexual relationship. And when baby is breast feeding in addition to sleeplessness, many women experience sore nipples and touch overload. So what is a couple to do? How do you stay playful and sensual when you’re tired and your body is on overload? The answers might surprise you.

The first important thing is to learn to have good quality sleep even when there isn’t much of it. And that usually means following the guidelines of the American Academy of Pediatrics and training baby to sleep in his or her own room, on his or her back instead of in bed with you. The second important thing is to learn to rein in your thoughts and harness your own attention so that you keep your mind focused and prevent it from running in circles. This is something you can start learning even before you go into labor or get the much desired phone call to come bring home baby. The third important thing to do is to keep an attitude of awe, delight, and playfulness. After all, this experience is just as new for you as it is for the baby so why not enjoy it. Most of us grownups are so focused on getting it right that we forget how to just have fun learning. So take a tip from watching how much your baby delights in discovering the all new buzzing and booming world around and let yourself wonder. This usually also means wondering how much fun you can have being affectionate and sensual in ways that don’t necessarily involve intercourse.

Finding ways, discovering, rediscovering, or just cultivating lots of ways to be together without creating an expectation or a demand will serve you in good stead throughout your parenting years. Learning to gently tease one another and tolerate the disappointment that comes when sensual interaction is interrupted or has to stop, learning to be flexible about stopping and starting will make all your parenting days much easier, and when you do finally get a chance to have sex with intercourse and orgasm it will be all the more enjoyable besides.

guest blogger Sara E. Rosenquist is the author of After the Stork: The Couple's Guide to Preventing and Overcoming Postpartum Depression