Think back to your own childhood for a moment. What are the five most stressful moments that come to mind? If you are like many adults, family fights are at the top of your list.

All couples argue at some time. All kids lose their tempers, too. It is rare to find siblings who don’t occasionally quarrel or call each other names. But arguing and fighting should be an exception, not a rule. If your family life is tainted by constant bickering, sarcasm, yelling, or other forms of arguing, you should put peacemaking at the top of your stress-reduction to-do list.

Everyone, even children as young as five, can learn peacemaking or conflict-resolution skills. Conflict-resolution programs have been used in schools for more than a decade, and there is one thing we know about them: they work. There are many ways to teach these same skills at home. Here is one activity that can help family members find peaceful ways to resolve their differences.

The Complaint-Box Game

You’ll need a shoe box or other box with a lid, a marker, scissors, paper, and pencils.

1. 1. Label the box top “Complaint Box,” and cut a slot in it.


2. 2. Ask any family member who has a problem with another person in the family to write it on a piece of paper and put the paper in the box. Younger children can dictate their complaints.


3. 3. Once a week at a designated time, gather the family together to review the complaints in the box.


4. 4. Problems often resolve themselves, but if a problem still exists, give the person who wrote the complaint two minutes to talk about it. During that time, no one may interrupt.


5. 5. Ask all family members (including the person making the complaint) to write down two or more ways to resolve the complaint, and then read these ideas out loud.


6. 6. The person making the complaint then decides which solution (including his or her own) is the most positive. The person who came up with that solution gets a point.


7. 7. Continue for twenty minutes, or until all the complaints in the box have been resolved. If there are complaints left in the box after twenty minutes, play the game again the next day.


8. 8. The person with the most points becomes the peacemaker for the week and may get a small prize or extra privilege for being so smart.

excerpt from The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids: Help for Children to Cope with Stress, Anxiety, and Transitions by Lawrence E. Shapiro Ph.D., Robin K Sprague, Matthew McKay Ph.D.