Bullies who pick on you like it when you get angry or upset. It gives them the satisfaction of knowing that whatever they did got to you. So if someone picks on you, it’s important to try not to let your feelings show.

Matt was riding his bike in the park. He had left his jacket and water bottle near a tree. After a while, he stopped to take a drink from the bottle. He took a big gulp and then spit the water out. Someone had dumped salt into it! He looked over and saw Judd laughing at him. Then other kids started to laugh, especially when they saw that Matt had water all over his shirt and pants. Matt was so embarrassed that he started to cry. That made everyone laugh even harder.

Tara was in the library reading a book when Becky sat down and started to annoy her. First Becky tapped her fingers on the table. Then she moved her chair so close that Tara had no room to move. She began to swing her feet and kick Tara under the table. Finally Tara couldn’t take any more. “Stop doing that,” she yelled. But Becky didn’t stop. “I hate you!” Tara shouted. Becky still didn’t say anything. She just looked at Tara with a big grin on her face.

Matt and Tara let their feelings show. By crying, Matt let Judd know that his bullying had upset him. By yelling and shouting, Tara gave Becky the satisfaction of knowing that what she did really bothered her. It isn’t that Matt and Tara shouldn’t feel the way they do, but by letting the bullies see those feelings, they made it more likely that they would be picked on again.

For You to Do

If someone is bullying you, before you yell, cry, explode, or react in any other way, take some time to cool down. Get control of yourself and try not to let the bully see how you feel.

Here are a few things you can do to help you cool down:

• Take a few deep, long, sl-o-o-o-w breaths.
• Count to ten.
• Say the alphabet to yourself. You can say it forward from A to Z or backward from Z to A.
• Think of something calm and peaceful.
• Think of the people who love you.
• Think of things you like to do.

What else could you do that would help you to relax and cool down?

I could: ____________________________________________

I could: ____________________________________________

I could: ____________________________________________

I could: ____________________________________________

Now practice. Close your eyes. Imagine that you are Matt or Tara, or think of a time when you felt like they did. Pick one of the ideas from the list. Keep at it until you are calm and cool.

Practicing will make it a lot easier to not react when the time comes. When you are cool and calm, you’ll be in control of yourself. And then you’ll be better able to deal with any situation and figure out what to do.

… And More to Do

Not showing your feelings to a bully doesn’t mean that you have to hide them forever. It’s important to let your feelings out. Keeping them bottled up inside could give you the aches and pains you read about in Activity 3. So once you’re away from the bully and in a safe place, you can try some of these ways to let your feelings out.

• Talk to someone.
• Ask for help.
• Take a walk.
• Ride a bike.
• Shoot hoops.
• Bang a drum.
• Write in a journal.
• Draw a picture.
• Play with a friend.
• Go for a run.
• Hit a pillow.
• Throw a ball against a wall.
• Dance.
• Play a game.
• Bounce a ball.

Can you think of any others?

Once you let your feelings out, you’ll be able to manage them in healthy ways, and you won’t give the bully the satisfaction of knowing that the bullying worked.

excerpt from Don’t Pick On Me: Help for Kids to Stand Up to & Deal with Bullies.