All children experience some form of bullying. They may be the target of a bully or they may be a bystander who witnesses bullying. We usually think of bullying as a physical act – pushing, shoving, fighting, hitting. But bullying can also be verbal – threatening, taunting, teasing, name-calling - as well as emotional. Being ostracized or being the subject of a rumor and gossip can be just as damaging as a push or a shove.

Of course some playful teasing is normal and children need to learn how to "give-and-take" in relationships. But bullying goes beyond that. Many children feel helpless and don’t know what to do when they are picked on. Their first reaction may be to either cry or get angry and go on the attack. They don’t realize that crying or fighting only gives the bully the satisfaction of knowing that whatever he’s done has worked! It won’t stop the bully – it will just make it worse.

But there are some simple strategies kids can learn to help them deal with bullies – strategies that will build their confidence and self-esteem so they can develop healthy relationships and friendships.

Discuss these strategies with your child.

• Look Brave, Act Brave. Bullies like to pick on kids who look like they’re easy targets. If you can put on a brave face and look confident, the bully might just pass you by. Standing up straight, looking people right in the eye and putting a smile on your face makes you look like you’re not afraid – even if you are. It says, "I’m not someone who’s easy to pick on."
• Avoid the Bully.. The simplest way to deal with bullies is not to come into contact with them. For example: on the school bus, sit as far away from the bully, and as close to the driver, as you can ; in the lunchroom, don’t sit near the bully and her clique; on the playground, steer clear of the bully and his friends.
• Ignore the Bully. Bullies like to get a reaction – they like to know that what they’re doing is having an effect. So if you can pretend that you don’t hear what the bully is saying, there’s a very good chance he’ll get fed up and leave you alone. Use "self-talk." Say over and over again in your head, "I can’t hear a word you’re saying."
• Stick With Friends. Bullies tend to pick on kids who are alone; that’s why it helps to be part of a group – even a group of two.
• Say How You Feel . If the bully is someone you can talk to, try telling her how you feel. It just might work. Also, it may be that what you consider bullying is playful teasing; the teaser might not even know you’re feeling attacked. So say how you feel in a nice, polite way - no shouting , no yelling - and see if that helps.
• Stay Cool. If someone picks on you don’t cry or yell or fight back. Take a deep breath or count to ten to try and get yourself in control. Remember, bullies like to get a reaction , so don’t give the bully the satisfaction of knowing that what she’s doing is working.
• Walk Away. No one can pick on you if you aren’t there. If a bully comes for you, get away as quickly as you can. That’s especially true if you think you are in danger.
• Tell An Adult You Trust. If you’re afraid, tell an adult what’s happening. No one can help you unless you let someone know.

It’s important for kids to realize that some situations are beyond their ability to handle alone. Children should know that if they feel threatened – or know someone else who could be in danger - they need to tell a trusted adult. And they should understand that this is not tattling ; it’s reporting a situation where someone could be hurt.

Susan Eikov Green is the author of Don't Pick On Me: Help for Kids to Stand Up to and Deal with Bullies .