After I emerged from years of paralysis, I felt a tremendous need to apol­ogize for being slow, overweight, and lacking in strength. I did this by telling the story of my broken back to everyone I met, elaborating on both how much I had suffered—and was still suffering—and how hard I was working on my recovery. My client Eva, a VP of engineering at a computer software company, had a similar experience. After a car acci­dent led to facial reconstructive surgery, Eva dwelt on her suffering and the hard work she’d done in speech therapy, as she felt this somehow legitimized her other deficiencies and excused her for not being what society said she should be. She reported feeling greatly diminished by the entire experience and constantly feeling like she had to justify her slightly slurred speech to those who didn’t know her medical history. She, like I, had the belief that she was somehow less than those around her. Our need to be known with dignity—and not just as the external wrapper others saw—drove both of us to tell our story again and again. Unfortunately, as long as we kept our energy invested in the negative beliefs that went with our stories, we prevented ourselves from forming new and supportive beliefs.

Thanks to brilliant, caring friends and an extraordinarily dedi­cated yoga teacher, I realized that I wasn’t simply a broken-back story and got on with living my life. Eva had a similar realization and turned her life around by reidentifying with a long list of descriptors that said more about who she really was as a person. Near the end of that list was the descriptor of someone who had, incidentally, long ago had facial surgery. This was a much more realistic way to live and began attracting the kinds of positive situations Eva desired—situations that living in the story had previously driven off.

We are, in great part, the sum of our experiences. A belief story (or “B.S.”) has its place both in our initial integration of traumatic expe­riences and as part of our personal history. But when a framework of negative beliefs becomes the defining feature of personal identity, our strength is sapped, and our efforts to regain normality are thwarted. In this case, a negative belief story becomes a toxic belief. A toxic belief is a strong position you hold, whether you’re aware of it or not, that keeps you from living a healthy, happy life. It’s the little gremlin whispering in your mind, “You can’t do that; you never could!” “Are you crazy?” “People will think you’re stupid if you try!” or “Best to stay quiet and avoid being seen as a fool.” These and similar phrases are the work of the toxic-belief gremlin. Its voice might sound like a parent, critical teacher, snobby workmate, or even your own. Nothing quite lays you as low as this voice, for this is the one voice you cannot walk away from. It’s the one voice that will always be with you—unless you actively do something about it. The following short exercise will teach you how to address this voice by getting to the heart of the negative beliefs that may be defining you.

Articulating Your Story

Speaking of toxic beliefs, what’s your belief story? You may never have had a catastrophic accident, but if you’re telling others and yourself the same things year after year about why you’re not where you want to be, you have a belief story. Where does this story fit into your life? How attached to it are you? How much do you defend your story’s right to exist? Everyone has a history; some part of your history probably pulls you to relive your own personal pain, again and again.

Spend some time in meditative reflection on each of these ques­tions, and allow the main elements of your belief story to surface. You want only the highlights of the story, not a blow-by-blow account. For example: “I’m just a poor kid from the wrong side of the tracks; that’s why I’ve never been able to obtain anything better than a low-end man­agement job.” Or “I’m never going to be good at math, so I’ll always keep making money and losing it, no matter what I do.” Or “My mom chose a bad husband, her mom chose a bad husband, and so did I. I’m doomed to never have a good mate—it’s in my blood.” In five to ten sentences write these main elements down, either here or in your Bliss Journal, to help get them out of your head. Once you have your main stories written down, you can transfer the negative beliefs they contain to your Shadow List and work on them with the Walking Belief Change process or other energy therapies you’ll learn shortly.

A belief story, while potentially toxic, is also a sacred and beautiful signpost of your life. Spend a few moments cherishing your story. Now, contemplate what it would be like to let that belief story go, never to tell it in the old familiar way again. If this brings up emotions for you, record them in your Bliss Journal. If this triggers emotions or thoughts you’ve never encountered before, also note them on your Shadow List. You’ll work on these later. For right now, just document your belief story.

excerpt from Everyday Bliss for Women: Energy Balancing Secrets for Complete Health and Vitality by Maryam Webster, M.Ed.