Greetings!

Recently, mindfulness has become somewhat of a commodity, a buzzword, something we can learn or get and be guaranteed wonderful outcomes. Be aware that mindfulness isn’t a thing to possess, an end state, something you have or do.

Consider, instead, that mindfulness is a way of being in the world. A way of being with great compassion, of remaining present amidst the flow of experiences that is our life. Turning down the volume on all our resistance, our need to control, manipulate and react. Instead, hang in there with what is going on. Remain patient with this flow, remain curious, and respond with great compassion.

Sounds easy, except for one significant obstacle:

Big deal mind

Big deal mind is the collection of strategies we have developed that resists the unfolding flow of our lives. Big deal mind draws your energy into the stream of big deals that we react to as if they are still somehow important. Often big deal mind keeps us stuck and attached to events in our past; or events that reside in the future and have not yet happened. Big deal mind relies on being judgmental, critical, self-righteous controlling, manipulating; operates out of distinctions and duality; and is fueled by fear. Big deal mind disconnects you from others, your experiences, and from yourself.

Consider the scene in the movie The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her entourage arrive at Emerald City and are in the terrifying presence of the Great Oz, a disembodied head with a booming voice, smoke and fire. When Toto runs over and pulls back a curtain, he exposes an elderly man frantically speaking into a microphone and operating the dials and levers that create the illusion of the Great Oz. Thus exposed, he yells into the microphone, “Do not pay any attention to that man behind the curtain.”

This is exactly how big deal mind works, keeping you distracted, insisting, “Pay attention to this instead!”

Keep in mind, none of this is bad or to be judged.

Cultivating mindful being softens our hearts, so we can respond to the flow of our life with compassion. Learning to hold with great compassion, how we create our suffering will eventually allow you to respond with compassion to all living beings with the same care-ful compassion.

Be careful not to try and impose mindfulness over mindlessness or big deal mind. This is akin to trying to build a snowman in Costa Rica. Even if we get the snow there, we’ll find that certain influences ultimately sabotage our efforts. Perhaps we discover that building a snowman wasn’t what we really wanted in the first place!

So, as odd as it sounds, make friends with big deal mind. Say hello to it. Welcome it.

“Hi there, big deal mind. What have you got going on today? Thank you for this opportunity. You know, I have been getting better at watching how you invite me down my path of suffering. I am also getting better at kindly refusing your invitation.”

The more we become comfortable with simply being in the presence of big deal mind, the less it will disrupt our lives.

The better we get at refusing big deal mind’s invitation, the more room we make for mindful being to emerge. We can lessen the fear—base reacting, resisting, controlling, avoiding, manipulating—and begin to respond to ourselves, and to others from a softer, compassionate loving-kindness heart!

Here are some practices you can begin to use that can help reduce the influence of big deal mind and increase your experience of spacious presence and mindful being.

The One Minute Pause

• When you feel yourself being reactive: in the throes of big deal mind (irritated, angry, critical—of yourself or others—physically tense), if possible, stop whatever it is you are doing. Just for one minute.
• Relax your shoulders, your jaw, take a gentle deep breath.
• For one minute, each time you breathe in, repeat: “I am breathing in calm.” Each time you exhale repeat: “I am breathing out tension.”
• Try doing this at that very long stop light you always seem to hit, or while you are standing in line at the store, or listening to a friend who is in the midst of their suffering.

A Change of Pace at the End of The Day: Mindful Walking

• Before leaving work or school or an appointment, pause at the door, relax your shoulders, your jaw, and take a gentle deep breath straighten your back and bring your head up. Begin to walk.
• Now rather than rushing off to your car, the bus stop, down the sidewalk, or the train, bring your awareness to the pace of your walking and slow your pace down a bit. Feel your feet connect with the ground.
• While walking, bring awareness to each of your senses. First what you hear, then what you feel, then what you see. (Try this: practice what I call seeing without looking. That is, to see what is in your vision but do not look at any thing)
• Notice what this change of pace does.

Thank you for visiting, and may you be happy, may you be healthy, and may you live with ease.

Thomas Roberts is the author of A Mindfulness Book: A Beginner’s Guide to Overcoming Fear and Embracing Compassion .