Starting Off…
When the gossip mill gets going, it can suddenly switch into high gear and get mean and nasty in no time at all, so it’s important to be careful about these gossip sessions. And remember, what your friends in the clique say about you, they just might say behind your back. Once that starts, you never know when the tone will shift and you’ll become the butt of their verbal jabs.

Here’s Kara in action again. Read the following scenarios and then answer the questions after each one.

Scenario 1
Kara looked at her best friend, Meghan, as she was getting her books out of her locker.

“God, Meghan,” she said. “You’re such a nerd!”

Meghan bristled. “What do you mean? I have to do my homework, ya know.”

Kara sighed. “That what I mean, girlfriend. You’re so obvious about it, taking every single textbook home every night. Everything has to be just so organized and cutesy-wutesy, even your clothes! Just look at you—all matchey-matchey, Little Miss Perfect.”

The clique of girls giggled at this last flourish, while Meghan inwardly cringed.

Questions:

1. Does this count as teasing, gossip, or bullying? Explain your choice.
2. What’s the difference between the three?
3. Is Kara aware that she’s being hurtful to Meghan’s face?
4. How should Meghan handle this?
5. Will Kara’s behavior stop if Meghan says nothing?
6. How might the previous gossip sessions about Emma have contributed to Meghan’s dilemma?

Scenario 2
Kara caught up with Meghan as she was hurrying away from her locker. “What’s the matter? Can’t you take a little teasing now and then?” she asked.

A tight-lipped Meghan turned around. “It didn’t feel like teasing. It felt like a full-on assault!”

The other girls silently stared at the floor.

Kara looked coldly at Meghan. “Listen, you little freakin’ weirdo, I don’t have any idea why I tolerate you. Go home and blow your nose.” With that parting shot, she turned on her heels.

Meghan walked home slowly, thinking to herself that she shouldn’t have overreacted. After all, how many times had she joined in similar sessions, saying snide things about people just loud enough so they could hear? But this time, the remarks were about her. The next day it would be all over school, just as she thought she had lost her rep as the biggest goody-two shoes of all time.

When she got home, there was a message from Kara on the answering machine: “Hey, goof, sorry about all that. Are we going to study for the geography test at the library tonight? Let me know.” Click.

Meghan stared at the machine. What had just happened? Did this mean that everything was okay between them? She stood in her living room, a mass of confusion, sadness, and anger.

Questions:

1. Why do you think Kara suddenly turned on Meghan? Was she justified?
2. Describe Kara’s relationship with Meghan. Do you think she’s jealous? Why or why not?
3. Does Kara’s apology on the answering machine suffice? Why or why not?
4. How could Meghan have reacted to Kara’s taunts? How would you have reacted?
5. Should Meghan continue to be friends with Kara? If so, what should change in the friendship? What needs to happen for this change to take place?

…and More to Do!

1. How do you think a girl can avoid gossip in casual goofing around with friends?
2. How can you avoid being the butt of gossip?
3. When is it okay to stick up for yourself?
4. Is it better to stick up for yourself when you’re angry or when you’re calm? Why?

Excerpt from Coping with Cliques: A Workbook to Help Girls Deal with Gossip, Put-Downs, Bullying, and Other Mean Behavior, by Susan Sprague.